Recap May 6, 2006

WEATHER: Thunderstorms packing 80 mph wind gusts and heavy rain uprooted trees, toppled power lines and damaged buildings in parts of Texas. Meanwhile, in Venice it was its usual boring sunny, slightly breezy, 70-degree day.

SCHEDULE NOTE: We are off May 13 (field not available). We are back for our season finale May 20.

WELCOME: A big hello to new players Bart and John, both of who fit in well from the start. You are welcome back any time.

GAME: A barnburner that saw Dark hang on for a 38-34 win over White, in a game with tons of big plays, weird plays and what-were-they-thinking? plays.

PLAYERS OF THE GAME: A joint award to Bryan and Toby from Team Dark. Each scored on offense and each had an interception return for a score, in what proved to be the difference. Bryan gets the nod for the cool heart-speckled boxers we saw after he lost the top of his shorts, while Toby managed to keep his pants on so we never spied if he was boxer or briefs or freewheeling it.

CATCH OF THE DAY: Rory made a brilliant catch and run on a deep ball that he somehow wrestled from Zach while on a dead run.

DEFENSIVE PLAY OF THE DAY: Toby on his pick that he took back 80 yards. Brent wondered why I didn't go all Roethlisberger on Toby on the return, but I felt that sticking my foot out wasn't the most sportsmanlike thing to do ("I would have done it," Toby said).

HEADS-UP PLAYS: We had a rash of balls being knocked up into the ai by the defense and still caught by the offense. Brent had one grab on a pass from Patrick that was swatted into the air and Brent made a heady play to snare it.

Brent was on the opposite end when he knocked one away only to see Anthony swoop in and catch it off the carom.

Toby got into the act when Jeremiah did the tip drill, only to see the rest of the defense stand there like the proverbial slack-jawed yokels, allowing Toby to catch it.

The coolest was one to Rory in the back of the end zone, that Zach hit with tremendous force only to see Rory catch it with his hands barely moving.

QB RATING: Patrick threw four passes on conversions off of wide receiver back passes. He went 3 for 4 with two conversions and no picks. A 130 rating, though one of his passes went to me for about two yards.

CONTROVERSY: We had three plays in dispute that were basically solved by saying: "You get this one, we'll take the next." The first saw John catch a pass and weave his way on 4th and 15. White said he gained 15 yards, 6 inches, Dark said it was more like 13 yards.

This led to Dark getting the next call. I ran for a first down and alertly tossed back to Rory, who ran for a score. First, Dark said my flag was off (wrong). They then said I threw it forward (wrong again). But they got the call, negated the TD and three plays later Toby picked me off for a score in a 12-point swing and the biggest sequence of the game.

White got the final call, when Jeremiah was called for flag-guarding when he went low on a score.

The game film was Fed-Exed to the NFL Saturday night and league officials came back with these rulings:

--The 4th-and-15 play. Using GPS technology and lasers it was determined that John gained 15 yards, 1.8765 inches. We know how many of you obsess about exact inch counts. First down.
--On Jeremiah's flag-guarding. Bill Clinton was consulted and he said, "It depends on what the meaning of 'flag-guarding' is."
--On the lateral back to Rory. "We sincerely apologize for a total miscarriage of justice." the league said in a statement. "We have fired the officials involved – Stevie Wonder, Ray Charles and Helen Keller."

BEST RIP: I called one defensive series for White and it led to a quick score for Dark. Said Toby, "Jim will set up a defense an offense can score on." Not sure if I should be insulted or complimented.

CATCHING MACHINE: John might have led the game in total passes caught; he had a bunch, most of them on slants. His best was a key fourth down catch where he went low and caught the ball while hitting the ground.

FINANCIAL REPORT (Sponsored by Ditech): Zach – "I owe for $5 from the last game … so I'll bring up $15 in two weeks." Uh, guess this means you didn't bring money this week? Very JP-like of you.

HONORS: A shoutout to Marino for calling a great game at QB. He had a lot of nice passes and kept throwing left with success. I recall nice passes to Zach on middle/slants, long passes to Toby and Bryan for scores and several nice connections with Anthony. For good measure, David also ran for a score.

ARE WE BORING YOU? Every time I looked over to Dark's right side of the defense, Anthony was yawning. Or coughing.

PRODUCTIVE: Patrick was his usual offensive force. He scored once on a great effort on a deep slant, another time when he totally made the defender bite and set up a third score with a terrific grab low near the right pylon.

BEST MOVE: On a key fourth down and goal from the 2, White did a direct snap to Jeremiah. It looked like two Dark defenders had a chance, but JJJ literally ducked under the arms of one and slid by the other for the score. Very Vince Young-like.

NOTABLE: Best shovel pass was Peter taking a short pass and gaining 15 yards. … Oren ran a nice pattern and stayed with the play in catching a TD pass. … Bart had several nice grabs for White, but we need to teach him to keep running until his flags are off. … Rory was also an offensive force down the middle, making a bunch of nice catches. … Zach played a nice DB for most of the game, constantly staying with his receiver. … Patrick had pre-Vaselined his feet to prevent calluses, breaking his pledge to allow Brent to do it.